Monday, December 29, 2008

Sick Librarian Humor, I Gots It

I was working on the afternoon 'Holds-List' when I scanned one book and it was being transferred to a neighboring branch.

It was for a "Lee, Sara" and the book was 'Martha Stewart's Wedding Cakes.'

Am I the only one who finds it funny that a Sara Lee is reading Martha Stewart's Wedding Cakes?

I need a new job...

I Despise Romance Novels...

I despise romance novels. You know the ones where the cover art has some shirtless Fabio looking flamer holding some half dressed floozy in his arms, preferably over some cliff looking over the ocean, both of their hair is windswept, and its usually depicted during a sunset. Yes, those horrible books. But my hatred is not just reserved for those outlandish titles alone, Nicholas Sparks I'm looking your way---Damn you and your Notebook. I blame these so-called "romance" novels for the high failure rate of marriages/relationships in this country.

Its not that I don't believe in love or romance but I think these books put an extraordinary extraterrestrial-high level of standards that girls expect their boyfriends/spouses to live up to. I really don't think that these books preach the morals and virtues of what love really is anyways.
Case in point, have you ever read any of the titles of these books? They've
become quite the topic of discussion at work whenever we come across them. Its like MadLibs for trashy books: "The [insert adjective] woman finds true love with a [insert foreign ethnicity] millionaire and move away to [insert exotic location]."
Really, these types of books are cookie cutter stories. They're all the same, once you've read
A Scandalous Mistress I really don't see the need to read His Lady Mistress. Take one lonely, loveless woman, one rich bastard, and an exotic locale and there you go.

Females always hope for the day to find some foreign bazilliionaire who will sweep them off their feet and take them to some far away mansion. Honestly, do you really think the chances of that are worth holding out for? Don't you think that said rich guy would want to find a rich lady instead of someone looking to marry for just the money? If that did happen, all you would be is another one of his "bought possession
s," which could ultimately be replaced with the snap of his fingers and his man servant has his next wife to be flying in on his G-5. If anything these books espouse the complete opposite of what love is. Is it really romantic if some guy were to make you his "mistress?" I suppose just as long as the guy was rich everything would work out. Before I turn this into something sentimental and lose my sarcastic edge: love is about understanding, accepting and working together through the ups and downs on each others flaws and insecurities. Love is not dependent on money alone --- Do you think someone who won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry would sweep a high school dropout off their feet and turn out to live happily ever after?

On a few occasions I've encountered husbands who are checking these books, either in or out, for their wives and when I look at the covers and look at their faces, there is a look of sad resignation, like a part of their soul died with each romance novel their wife read. One guy commented to me, "There are all these books around (waves his arm toward the vast expanse of paper bound knowledge) and my wife chooses to read these. I asked her if she wanted me to pick up a mystery book for her, 'no,' she said she'll stick with these [looks with great disdain at the handful of romance books]." He sighed heavily and headed towards the exit with this new delivery of literary trash for his wife to read. He walked away with his head hung low and his shoulders slumped, and I knew he just died inside.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Librarians Against Renewal Driving

One of my coworkers was working the in house telephones one day when he got a call from a patron asking to renew their books. It was obvious they were calling from their cell phone---in their car---while driving. I have no idea what possessed this person to think that they really should be renewing their books while maneuvering a one ton, explosive gasoline driven metal projectile of possible carnage. Well, this patron was so engrossed in reading off their library card number that they did not notice that they were driving through a red light and they got into an accident. I wouldn't be surprised if this super-genius had a key card and they were trying to read off the numbers from the ignition. The last thing people should be worrying about while driving is renewing their books. Please don't ever call me while I am working the phone lines when you are driving or I will hang up on you without hesitation. Oh, don't worry, their overdues got renewed.
- a message from LARD, Librarians Against Renewal Driving.