A Patron is a Patron, unless They're a Douche...

Not really what the Patron Note field was intended for but
some of my coworkers can't seem to suppress their rage.

When you work with the public, your chances of encountering those with the "holier than thou" mentality increase tenfold.  Self-centered would be the best way to group these people together.  They are the ones who feel like they are above everyone else and the same ground rules do not apply to them.  They are the ones who will argue every single time they incur a late fee under $1.  "It isn't my fault, something is wrong with your system," or "Well, I didn't get an email reminder about them so I didn't know they were due so I shouldn't have to pay the late fees."

Last week a patron came up to the desk to say that he had the conference room reserved.  Yes, yes he did, but he was also an hour late so I cancelled his reservation and placed another patron in the room.  The rules state that rooms are only held for 30 minutes before reservations are deemed null and void.  Luckily my supervisor happened to be at the desk with me because I do not think I would have been able to deal with him cordially.  The patron became very indignant, raising his voice because he felt that it would help his cause.

He told the patron, whom I shall refer to as D, that he is an hour late and that the room was given to someone else who asked for it.  D replied, "Look here, I told you last week when I called that I wasn't sure if I would be able to make it at that specified time."  D then said that he it was my supervisor he talked to last Friday to make the reservations.  Yeah, well, my supervisor and I both had that day off and we are the only males who work info.  D then said, "There's only a guy and two little girls in there, you need to make them leave the room so I can use it.  I need to conduct this interview NOW."  It was at this point I had to bite my tongue and restrain myself from telling him that I didn't give a damn about who he was or what he was doing.  My supervisor ended up sticking him in one of the larger meeting rooms which he technically didn't have to offer since they are only meant to be used for bigger groups.  I don't think I would have offered it to him, I would have told him about the park bench across the street.

I've encountered D before when I covered another branch for its staff meeting.  He was also using a meeting room but this time someone else was waiting on him because he didn't leave at the scheduled time.  I ended up telling him 3 times that someone else had the room reserved and they were waiting on him.  The first time he didn't even look up when I opened the room and said, "Excuse me," he just kept going on about his business.  The third time I was done, I opened the door and stood in the doorway until he got pissed off and packed up his things and finished his meeting outside of the library.

Thankfully, these people are far and few between.  If it wasn't this way, the term "going librarian" would be the common synonym for workplace violence.

Tax Season @ The Library = HELL

Tax season is the worst, I consider it right up there with election season.  But I know who at the library does love it, library management.  They are not the ones on the front lines fielding nonstop questions, which some can be considered to be borderline aggressive interrogations: "Do you have any tax forms?" "Why don't you have any?" "What's taking so long?" "Well, do you know when they're coming in?" "Why not??"

Management gets to avoid all the annoying once a year patrons while watching their PRECIOUS door count statistics go up.  I'm okay with dealing with these patrons, most of the time.  It's the self-righteous ones who pull the, "I'm a tax-paying citizen" card and get all up-in-arms when they don't get what they want.  The minute I see them turn, I do an internal eye-roll and tell myself, "here we go again."

I can manage to deflect their misguided anger by either agreeing with them: "Yeah, tell me about it, it's ridiculous!"  Or I give them the option to actually bitch to/at the right person: "Would you like me to find you the contact information for the IRS?"  And that shuts down their attack because they never call my bluff to actually take the time to contact the right department.  It is just too easy for them to take it out on the lowly library worker who tells them there aren't any forms and quite honestly, they don't pay me enough for that.

The Public Library, the Public's Personal Whipping Boy

Yeah, I get it, the public pays our wages, unfortunately that gives the public a sense of overreaching entitlement when they come to the library.  After awhile your skin gets thicker and you don't take it personally.  I have also witnessed these type of interactions take place at the Post Office and I'm sure the DMV employees go through this as well.

They don't teach you this in library school.  My problem is, is that when I find myself being berated by a patron over something trivial and/or something completely out of my hands my natural reaction is to laugh, so I try not to make the situation worse and I try to suppress it but it just turns into a ish-eating grin.  I can't help but laugh at the fact that someone has gotten so angry at something I am not to blame for.

Most recently, it was a busy Saturday at the info desk and there was a steady line of patrons and I was efficiently helping each one.  A couple comes up inquiring about absentee voting, I give her a handout with the in-person option and her husband asks about the mail in.  I refer him to the lobby where our handouts reside, he thanks me and goes his way.  A minute or so later he comes back to the desk all red-faced and angry, he shakes a piece of paper and says, "This is an application for the absentee ballot NOT the ballot itself."  I was currently helping a little boy find some sports books and he continued to lecture me that I should learn the difference and explain it because "someone might take you at your word and think its the ballot."  Oh really?  First of all, congratulations on your reading comprehension, second, are you familiar with the electoral process?  The young boy I was helping looked like he was the one getting lectured, and I tried my best not to laugh.  Looking back, I should have told him that I was currently in the middle of helping a patron but he was more than welcome to wait to lecture me.  Damn you hindsight!  When I told my supervisor, his first reaction was, "Did he really think that absentee ballots are just laying around?" 

Speaking of absentee voting, I was at the desk with our new info desk volunteer when a lady came up to the desk and asked when absentee voting started.  Now we've been keeping a tally of voting questions we get at the desk, on average there's at least 40 questions a day probably more if we remembered to mark it down each and every time.  So it is knee-jerk reaction to say, "It starts at 2 pm."  She obviously didn't like this answer because she bristled and replied, "Your website says 8 am."  Yes, MY website.  I asked her if it was the library website that said that, because if it did I would have to get that fixed, she just said, "I don't remember, I had my husband check this morning."  She even said that there was a sign outside that mentioned 8am.  I told her that it was probably for a different location, so she goes back out to prove me wrong.  She comes back and makes no mention of said-sign.  There wasn't really anything else to say, so I just said, "Well, I'm not sure what site said that, but it starts at 2."  She of course tells me that she is a very busy person and that she couldn't come back in an hour.  Lady, I really don't know what you want me to do.  Before she stalks away, she tells me that she'll "print the website and prove me wrong."  The info volunteer had a look in her eye like, do I really want to do this?  I'm still waiting for her to come back with that print-out.


I had another patron who threw a full on grown-up hissy fit when our public printer wouldn't take more than $5.  When he tried to put in $1 over the limit, the machine just started spitting out coins.  He threw his other dollar on the table and complained, "What the hell!?  Why won't it just take the money and print my papers!??"  Our children's librarian was talking to me at the desk and she is completely allergic to any sort of confrontation so she just froze.  I ended up showing the patron the sign that showed the $5 at a time maximum and ended up doing it for him.

I had an elderly patron who walked straight up to the desk and said that she needed "help on the internet."  I have learned to decipher this phrase as meaning, "I am completely computer illiterate."  So I called for back up to cover the info desk for me and I walked her over to the public computers.  I usually have the patron sit down and I sit next to them, she told me that she doesn't know how to "do it," and told me to.  So I logged in for her and asked her what she needed to do.  "I need to get a travel visa to Brazil."....  okay, what have you done so far?  - Nothing.  Do you know what you need? - No.  So basically she as well as I learned all about the requirements to obtain a travel visa to Brazil.  Apparently, she's going on a group tour to South America and no one wanted to help her, and I figured out why.  She kept huffing and puffing after each and every question on the visa questionnaire.  "Why do I have to give them that?"  "Why do they need my parents' names?"  "I just want to travel there, why is this so difficult?"  Oh geez, no wonder your travel agent is suddenly, "unavailable" each time you called and the person at the Brazilian embassy kept telling you to do it online.  This person has gone through 70+ years of their life and still has not learned that you attract more flies with honey.  I seriously feel bad for her travel group, she's going to be the sour-puss that will try to ruin their vacation.

This was a long post, but then again this is my therapy.  Are the elections over with yet!??  If you're going to bitch and blame me for the rising gas prices, I can't promise I won't laugh in your face but I'll try.

The Library doesn't need/want your crusty, used '50 Shades of Grey' donation...

ewww....

While going through donations to see if they could be added to our collections, I came across this filthy mcnasty copy of 50 Shades.  The first half of the book is "water" damaged.  I say "water" because I have no idea what fluid touched this book nor do I want to know.  The thing is, patrons usually drop off books by the bag or box load. 

If a patron dropped this book by itself, I'm fairly certain my coworkers working the circ desk would have thrown this damaged book in the trash.  All of the other books in the lot were nice and dry... except for this one.  I really should not be surprised that a patron actually thought that the condition of this book was "good enough" for the library's shelves.  Silly patrons, damaged books are for the trash-can, not the library.

Needless to say I burned this book as well as my desk... and the cart this book was sitting on.

The Rules of the Library #3

Rules of the Library #3: Just because the library "accepts donations" does not mean it is your personal dumpster.

This past weekend a coworker came up to my desk and said that the circ manager asked if I could pick up the books "some patron" dumped in front of the outside bookdrop.

Haven't held a floppy in a looooong ass time...

As I was pushing the cart full of crap past the circ desk, I told the circ manager that if I can get a name to look up in our patron database by going through these books, someone will be getting a phone call or email.

I was able to find a couple of certificates of course completion but the name did not bring back any results.  None of the items dumped were of any use or value for the Friends' booksale.  Seriously, who wants or needs to learn about old school DOS or Excel 7.0, not 2007, but the 1995 version.

L.E.V. Parking Spots are the Worst...

My branch is newly remodeled, it's all fancy with its LEED - certification and green roof.  Unfortunately, the parking lot needed a certain amount of L.E.V. (that stands for Low Emission Vehicle you anti-green, polluters) spots and they happened to place them all together in the front row.  I'm sure this move makes for great P.R. for the district supervisor, but it has been nothing but hell for library staff.

We get so many curmudgeons coming in to complain about them, it's become an almost daily event.  Last Wednesday was the worst for me.  3 different patrons during the whole day took the time to bitch to me at the info desk.  The first two were funny, the last was just a pain in the ass.

The first patron to approach me asked in a Seinfeldian way, "What's the deal with the LEV parking?"  I gave her the spiel about the LEED certification and that the library had no input or control in the matter.  I gave her the district supervisor's number, since it's pointless to bitch to me thinking I can just put on a hard-hat and redo the parking lot myself.  Then she went on a tirade about "all these damn Leftists, controlling how the majority lives."  "You know what, if something isn't healthy for you then don't eat it, but don't take that option away from me."  Amen to that sister, eeerrr ma'am, you can take my parking spot but you'll have to pry this Krispy Kreme from my cold, frost-covered fingers.

The second patron came up to the desk and asked me what constitutes an "LEV."  He doesn't drive a hybrid but gets 28 mpg.  I gave him the same spiel, blah blah not the library's decision blah blah supervisor blah blah.  When I asked if he wanted to district supervisor's number, he said that he would look it up.  Before he turned around, he asked the name for the supervisor.  After I told him he replies, "Oh, THAT guy??  He's an idiot!"  I couldn't help but laugh at that.

Lastly, came the worst.  She came up to the info desk and pointed at the lady who had just walked up to the circ desk and told me, "That lady right there just parked her Lexus SUV in one of the LEV spots."  My eyes just glazed over and I stared blankly in her general direction.

Oh, you think I can/will do something about that?

She pretty much tattle-tailed on that woman to me, who knows maybe it was RX - Hybrid, which isn't just a plain old regular LEV, it's a SUPER-LEV, ooooh-aaaaah!  I knew from the tone in this patron's voice that there was not going to be an amicable ending to this interaction.  So I figured, eff it, I'm going in, no attempt to try to appease her.  I told her that those spots are not enforced.  I got the reaction I was expecting, "What?! Why not?"  Because no one cares, park there, it's not that serious.  She kept repeating over and over, "But that lady parked her SUV in one of those spots."

I asked if she wanted the number for the district supervisor, she said she was just trying to be in and out, so I told her she could go get her books and I'll find her.  It really only took 10 seconds, and she also failed to mention that her "in and out" also meant spending another couple minutes bitching to me about the lack of materials.  I told her that we, at the branch level, do not make any of the decisions.  There's a whole department called Acquisitions, that, shocker---acquires ish.  She said, "Well, have you made any suggestions or advice?"  I said no because it's not in my job title, then she says, why don't you take the initiative, I quickly got bored of her inane arguing and asked if she wanted the number for the library director.  She could only reply, "I'm so sick of this bureaucratic nonsense, 'it's not our fault, blame this or that.'"  Well, lady, I don't know what to tell you, blame the system.

The Oblivious Patron says Library Fines Should be Tax Deductible...

A few years ago, while working the circ desk around this season, a patron came in to pay their late fees.  It was in the double digits but nothing too serious.  After she huffed, puffed, and paid, she rhetorically told me and my friend, who was working the desk with me, "Why aren't library fines tax deductible?  They should be." 

Even though it was a slow night, I really fought hard to not feed the troll, and just told her, "That's the way it is."  Apparently, this left her unsatisfied so she turned to my coworker/friend and asked again, "Why not?"  My friend, who had taken some MLIS courses at this time, gave her the textbook response of, "Well, we are not tax experts so we cannot answer that question."  The patron replied, "Well, I am a tax expert and I think they should be."

Well, la-dee-da Miss Fancy Pants CPA over here.  Not sure where she got her credentials from, but I'm pretty sure anyone who has gone through any sort of training or received any level of education would grasp the basic fundamentals of penalties/fees/fines and why they are in place.

I would not be surprised if this patron has asked this same sort of question to the police officer who ticketed her for speeding in a school zone.

Public Libraries Vs Nordstroms

I had a patron come up to the desk and ask where the fax machine was, I told her that the library doesn't provide fax services.  She turned her nose up and said, "Well, they used to."  No, they never have. 

It's not the first time the lack of fax services got patrons all pissy.  Back when I was working the circ desk a patron asked the same thing, I told her that we don't have any public faxes and told her there was a Kinko's down the road that did.  She looks past me into the backroom and points at the 1980's behemoth of a fax machine and asks me, "What's that?"  I love playing I-Spy!  I-Spy a patron who's going to start an argument over a fax.  I told her it was "the staff-only fax machine."  Then she looked at my government ID for my title, she then asks if my supervisor was available.  Of course he was, he's always hiding in his office so I was more than happy to get him.  He came out and it took a total of 5 minutes of repeating what I already told her before she left.

So back to the current patron, I told her that the closest fax service was 2 streets down, literally 5 minutes away.  She gets all huffy and says she would "never get caught walking in there."  She said that she would go to Nordstrom's instead, "they'll do whatever I tell them to."  That's fine, drive 15 minutes further and waste more time.  I'm fairly certain that when Nordstrom's or public libraries conduct SWOT analyses, neither pops up on each others' radar.  I heard their name brought up so many times in lectures when it came to exemplary customer service.  I'm pretty sure that this is the same patron who asked me to borrow a pair of scissors and never brought them back...

TIL: The Most Stolen Library Books Ever...

While doing some work off the info desk, I came across an 2010 Kaplan ASVAB discard.  Looking at the catalog I found out that the most stolen/lost/never returned library book type: ASVAB Prep Books.

I only had time to quickly write down stats for the Kaplan series:
2009: 3/9 copies are LOST.
2010: 8/18 copies are LOST.
2011: 10/21 copies are LOST.

I would not be surprised if the rest of the other books in the ASVAB prep series had similar LOST figures.  A simple way to fix this problem would be to get rid of all the physical books and only have digital copies.  That or require all ASVAB test takers to bring in a written note from their local librarian that their account is in the clear.

Happy 7 Billion People Day...

I hate people.  I know working directly with the public will jade you after time and I know this isn't exclusive to public service work, have you ever worked retail --- on Black Friday? 

Guess it isn't much consolation that the population is projected to level out around 10 billion.... ::sigh::

Rules of Circ #3 (RoC)

"Can You Hear Me Now?"

It's a cultural norm that libraries are relatively quiet zones, at least here in the States.  So I can forgive those who are new to public libraries, I have had to explain how the library works to several people who registered for their first library cards --- "No, it is for free (I know, I know, nothing is for free, but I don't have the time to give them the whole economics spiel)... You have to bring back the books..."  Most individuals know that it isn't "proper" to yell/talk loudly/carry a 20 minute conversation on your cell about what you had for breakfast.  Now libraries have adapted with the times; I'm sure back in the day there were signs that asked patrons to set their beepers to vibrate and now the signs ask to silence cell phones.  But who the hell am I kidding, who reads signs in the library anyways, not like any of them are into reading!??!

You still get the inconsiderate patrons who DON'T silence their ringers and who still hold loud conversations.  I will also give a temporary library pass to those not who are technologically challenged.  There are some patrons who do not know how to lower their ringer and you see them struggling with their phones pushing every single button BUT the right one.  Then when the call goes to voice mail, they look at you apologetically and mouth, "I'm sorry."  You also get those patrons who think they hit the button to lower their volume but they end up having a conversation through speakerphone for all the library to hear.


Taking your conversations to the stacks does not make the matter any better.  You cannot use the shelves as a form of sound deadening, they are not acoustically tuned to block out your incessant chattering.  It's even worse when they're blabbing on their phone while attempting to checking out.  They realize they have a fee and you're trying to explain to them what's overdue, how much is owed, when materials are due back, but they still insist on multitasking.  HANG UP THE DAMN PHONE.  A one minute transaction ends up taking 5 minutes.  Stop wasting everyone's time, I'm sure the other person on the line can live for a minute or two without the digital umbilical cord.

Ringtone context also does not matter.  I don't care if you have one of the latest "Top 50" crap they play back to back on the radio as your ringtone, no one wants to hear it in the library.  That goes the same for the "sophisticated" types with your classical ringtone in MIDI format.  No offense to Beethoven or his 5th Symphony, but your highly refined taste in music does not make it acceptable to have it blaring from the Blackberry on your hip.  Yeah, even nature ringtones are annoying, nobody enjoys the sounds of crickets... nobody.

How to make Library Staff Meetings even more dreadful...

"How can staff meetings get any worse?" you ask, well I'll tell you how!   
TL;DR You spend the majority of meeting time on a complaint from an irrational patron who disrespects staff.

When our branch manager handed out the meeting's itinerary (exhibit 14.a example of Librarians hate trees), there was a collective sigh/grunt of disappointment by the circ staff.  The info side showed no response.  What was circ having a fit over, well it was over the printed email complaint from the devil spawn patron.  This guy is the epitome of an a-hole patron.

The gist of his email complains about how the circ staff comes over to help when he's FAILING at the self-checkout.  He finds it "discourteous and disrespectful," I've witnessed first-hand his blowing up when someone points out that he has miscanned an item and he didn't notice, patrons never notice, they just continue scanning and wonder why only 1 out of their 8 items checked out.  He goes on to mention having "a couple of very pointed exchanges with staff about it."  Pointed - yes.  Exchanges - not really when it's all one-way with him talking down to staff.  He suggests a "refresher in courtesy" for staff and he's upset that "some taxpayers (and their small children) are treated more courteously than others." One Rules of Circulation which I have not delved into --- When a patron refers to themselves or other patrons as "taxpayers" it is accompanied with a complaint.  He goes on to say that if staff was trained this way "I will just shut up and stop re-training them." 

He has blown up on 5 different circ staff, two of which are managers so it's not like he's always being "helped/disrespected" by a disgruntled staff member which do not exist at my branch.  There is nearly a total of 25 years of library experience among his victims so it is not as if they are still tyros of the circ desk.

The branch manager broke us up into 3 groups, I was with two of my info friends and unfortunately the assistant branch manager was also in our group which is like having a group project with the teacher's pet --- no fun to be had.  Although she has also witnessed one of his "retraining sessions" and acknowledges he is an ass.  We spent over a freaking hour on this douche patron.  We were asked to answer three questions: "What does this customer dislike?" --- LIFE  "What is he asking for?" --- A position as circ manager to train us  "Can we accommodate him?" --- Does restraining from punching him in the face whenever he disrespects my coworkers count?

It was a complete waste of time.  Of course management kept saying, "We're not saying that you aren't doing your jobs properly."  Really?  Well their assuming this is a rational patron who has a rational complaint is implying that we don't know how to do our jobs, a monkey could do circ work and monkeys are also known to throw feces... hold on, I think I'm on to something here.

Library Banhammer

For the past few months our branch has been frequented by a mid-20's homeless guy.  He's been dubbed "the young porn dude," as to not confuse him with the "old porn dude."  This new guy likes to bring in a pint of ice cream for his porn perusing.  We've had several patrons complain about his hygiene or lack thereof, but that there isn't much we can do about that minus a few discrete drive-by's with the Febreeze bottle.

He has recently been using other patrons' library cards to use the public internet stations past the allotted time.  He probably thinks of himself as a hacker, when in reality it doesn't take much to "hack" when you can enter in random library card numbers that still use the default password of '1111.'  I am not sure why he hasn't been talked to about this already.

I did a quick search and brought up several charges which includes unlawful entry, destruction of private property, and two counts of assault on a police officer.  He confronted by Info BFF after showering in the men's restroom.  He walked out dripping wet and when he saw her giving him the evil eye from the info desk he walked up to her and started talking trash.  Unfortunately, I was not working (damn Cataloging and Classification class!) but another info worker stepped in.

Last week we found out he was arrested for public urination outside of a different library.  On a side note, my coworker-friend came across a "pee spreadsheet" that denotes the time and location of said urination zones on library grounds.  He was promptly banned from that library, unfortunately it wasn't a system-wide ban... yet.

I Don't Always Want to Punch Patrons in the Face...

I don't always want to punch patrons in the face, but when I do, they deserve it.

Last Saturday an older gentleman (complete misnomer) came up to me and put a completed library application and his wife's military ID on the circ desk and said he wanted to get her a library card.  I asked if she was with him and he looked across both of his shoulders sarcastically and back at me with a "do you see her here with me?" look on his face.  It was at this moment I had a P.A.T.R.O.N. on my hands.  I told him that I would not be able to register her for a card since she isn't present.  He goes from 1 to a full 10 on the douche scale and loudly replies, "Why the hell not?  I have her application and her ID here, I want it NOW."  Okay, first of all, his "wife" was not present, second, her ID did not have a home address listed, nor did he have anything with that, so it was wrong on all counts.

I told him that the most I could do was give her a limited card which would not be allowed to check anything out until she comes in and proves who she is and where she lives, this was already against policy but I was trying to look out for the guy.  He flips his sh*t and says, "What the eff?? It's just a g-damn library card, do you need her fingerprints????"  This was a Saturday afternoon, there were a lot of families and young children present.  I obviously do not possess enough hands to have ear-muffed all of them, and he was practically yelling so I instantly got pissed off at rudeness and inconsideration and told him I would get the circ manager.  He continues to curse while I walk back and give my circ manager a head's up on the sh*t-fest he's about to encounter.  My manager tries to tell him that we cannot do that but that they can apply for a card online and the card would be mailed to them, apparently this was not enough, and he kept saying, "B-S, B-S, B-S," without listening to a word we were telling him.  Before he stomped off to the stacks he ends his tirade with, "Well, good for you, I'm glad you follow the policy, it's g-damn discriminating against the disabled (his first and only mention that his wife is disabled), thanks a lot A-HOLE!"  My supervisor hit his limit right there and told him that that was not necessary and to have a good day.

I ended up walking back to my supervisors office and tried to run down what the hell just happened and if it could have been handled differently.  When I walked back out to the desk, this guy was talking to my other coworker who was working the desk with me and he was all nice and sweet to her and he freaking apologized to HER for his curse filled tirade.  He never cursed at her or had any interaction with her, this mfer!  I just gave him the stank eye as he walked out the door.  Yup, this guy made my patron sh*t list.

I should pair him up with #2 on my list: the previous P.A.T.R.O.N. award winner, and produce a remake of 'Grumpy Old Men.'   Better yet, I should throw these two in a balcony, but instead of witty retorts and comments, they only swear and display their complete idiocy.

P.A.T.R.O.N. Award Winner...

Last Friday morning, I was on the desk the first hour open with my friend/coworker.

During that hour a certain patron was having a hard time scanning a book barcode at one of the "Express" self check out's.  It literally looked like he was "stirring the pot" dance move with the book under the red scanner beam.  We at the circ desk are pretty quick to come over and assist patrons before the machine times out and they have to rescan their library card.  My friend quickly steps over and suggests that it might be easier if he just tilted the book under the scanner instead.  His response was to put the book down look at her all pissy and say, "Have you ever thought that maybe it would better if you just asked if I wanted your help at all in the first place instead of ASSUMING I wanted it?"

My patron a-hole spidey sense was going all sorts of crazy.  My coworker just bit her tongue and walked away from him.  After he had to rescan his library card because the checkout process timed out due to his diatribe, he said, "Hope the rest of your day is better done."

I swear, one of these days Alice, I'm going to punch one of these patrons in the face.  In general I am not one to swear, unless I've been drinking, and I never swear at work but I was effing pissed.  I guess my uber-rage had a calming affect on my friend and she was surprised at how mad I was.  Apparently this guy is a pissy regular and has yelled at several of my other coworkers when they tried to help him.

 I contemplated pulling up his email address and SPAMMING THE SH*T out if it...  Seriously eff this guy...

Memo to all Patrons: Please Be Kind, Rewind...

Most of the VHS and cassette tapes in the branch's collection have been weeded down to a measly 2 shelves.  It's amazing how some of those materials have lasted this long, I've looked at their circ numbers and they're always higher than I was expecting.  I'm sure some of those materials were revived by some menders in the past but still, you've got to respect the numbers when you consider the fragility of the thin magnetic tape.

I was not working for the library system when CD's were introduced into the collection, but I was there for the inclusion of DVD's and everyone felt that it was the heaven sent solution to busted tapes.  It didn't take long before these hopes were dashed.  The majority of the blame can solely fall on a few select patrons, they handle CD's and DVD's like toddlers handle board-books. 

They bitch that they couldn't finish listening to "Eat, Pray, Love" because the last CD looks like it got into a fight with their cat.  Not surprisingly, these are the same exact patrons who were too lazy to put the CD's back into the sleeves before they dropped them off in the bookdrop and all of the CD's ended up scattered among the rest of the returns.

My proposal is to brand these patrons library cards with an "A" for uhm, "Arse(?)"and limit their borrowing privileges to the VHS and cassette tapes.

Punk Ass possible-Patron

A few weeks back we had a hit and run incident in the staff parking lot.  One of my info friend's rear tail-lights was shattered and her bumper scratched.  Of course the idiot who did this did NOT leave a note.

Then last Wednesday, in the middle of the day, in the middle of the general parking lot, one of our patrons had her car window smashed out and her bag taken. 

Two days after the incident, I noticed all of the shattered glass when I was taking the weekly unclaimed Lost and Found clothing to the donation bin.  When I walked back into the branch I grabbed the janitor's closet key and picked up a trash pan and broom and got to work.


It really pisses me off when I think about it.  Some people's reactions to the story were, "Well, she shouldn't have left her bag sitting in the open."  Really?  We're going to blame the victim here?  What about the douche-bag that did this?

I fully believe in karma and whoever did this will end up paying for this.  I have sent the broken glass to Tech Ops for DNA analysis and Detective Bookman is on the case.

Getting Freaky in the Stacks...

Police: Pair involved in sex act in library stairwell

Okay, so they weren't getting busy in the 613.9 section of the stacks, but an 18 year old female and an unnamed male were caught with their pants down by police in a library stairwell in Cincinnati, Ohio.  I'm fairly certain that the female was not in the right state of mind due to her fornicating in a public library to begin with, so no shocker that when the cops confronted them she 'booked' it (harharhar) without her pants, shoes, and uhm--underwear to avoid being arrested.  She was later found in a bathroom.

Thankfully, my only close encounters with these similar scenarios involved first base.

The Book Drop is NOT a Trash Bin.

The P.A.T.R.O.N. Award of the week goes to whoever dumped a whole bin of soggy, moldy, smelly "donations" in the bookdrop.


The fact that you actually handled these items when they were placed in your car, driven to the library, and then carried to the bookdrop leaves me to believe that you must be crazy to think that the library could/would find use in these items.

Detective Bookman is on the case and when the DNA lab results return from Tech Services you will be billed for all of the Purell we had to use after throwing your garbage away.

My First Library Meme...

I was inspired by KMAZ's comment link to create my first library meme.