Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Rules of Circ #27 (RoC)

"Rock, Paper, Scissors."

Guess which item I would be more than glad to hand out to every patron who asks for it?

It is so annoying during science fair season, when the library is swarmed by students who only bring blank poster-boards with them and expect to walk out with a finalized project.  They will usually draw straws to determine which sucker has to sheepishly walk up to the Circ desk and ask for every single supply needed.  It is not only reserved to young students, I have encountered many older patrons who were upset that I would not give them any paper for their book/movie/play/manifesto/complaint which they are currently working on.

It seems like every tax paying citizen feels like it is their given right to use the library as if it was some rogue Staples that just gives ish away.  I'm sure with your tax returns, and a calculator we can figure out exactly how much you "contributed" to the library.  Here's a clue to save you some long division, it probably is not much more than $50. 

Sure that sounds reasonable enough for you to pillage the supply closet a time or two, but that money also goes towards the collection which includes countless copies of classic American literature aka the Harlequin series (yes, I do enjoy taking as many jabs at "romance novels" as possible).

So in actuality, the amount of your taxes spent on supplies is extremely low.  I'll do you all a favor and break it down in a simple list.

Each patron's taxes affords them to:
- 25 scissor swipes
- 15 staples (or 3 if you require use of the actual stapler)
- 13" of the glue stick
- 10" of Scotch tape
-  8 golf-size pencils
-  6 faxes (legal size)
-  5 paper clips
-  2 sheets of white 8 1/2" by 11" paper
-  1 sheet of colored 8 1/2" by 11" paper

You can only choose one of the above options per fiscal year, so choose wisely. Oh, and that's only if you ask nicely.


  1. Sometimes I want to give them the stapler...to their forehead. We make patrons use the scissors in front of us because they either disappear forever or we later find out they were cutting out pictures from Miley Cyrus's biography because they didn't see that copier two feet to their left and, uh-duh, they were never explicitly told you're not supposed to cut pictures out of books.

  2. *sigh* oh patrons, when will they ever learn.