Monday, August 23, 2010

The P.A.T.R.O.N. Award

Library patrons in general, no wait, regular library patrons, no that's not right either...

There are a few patrons who ruin every other patrons' image.  These bad apples are the reason why you become jaded and look questioningly at patrons who say that they returned those "Lost Materials"  they are being charged for, or that they should not have to pay for a damaged book because it was already damaged before they borrowed it.

With that, I introduce the P.A.T.R.O.N Award (Patron A-holes That Ruin Others' Niceness).

The fine specimen for this first award is the patron who walked out with the July issue of "Vogue," tore out 100+ pages, dropped the now unreadable magazine back in the book drop, and left a note that read, " Sorry to whomever reads.  I ripped out the pages : ) "

Just to let you know, the case has been passed on to the Library Detective, Mr. Bookman, and the magazine will be dusted for fingerprints and the handwriting analyzed.  

Once you are found and brought to justice, I have predetermined your punishment: you will have to conduct daily readings and discussions of Harlequin romance novels for the elderly women  that read them and that one elderly guy who says he borrows them for his wife, but every time his wife checks materials out herself, she only borrows mysteries.


  1. It's the smiley face that's the kicker.

    I think we will need to employ this award too. Balloons can come out of the ceiling and we'll throw confeti in their face while congratulating them on being such a tremendous ass.

  2. We should have an annual award gathering to find the biggest a-holes, it would be entertaining and unique like Chappelle's Playa Hater's Ball but for patrons.

  3. At least they wrote "whomever." Nice to know that you're dealing with a P.A.T.R.O.N. who uses proper grammar.

  4. DESKSLAVE, actually, I might have given the offender a little too much credit. Whenever I look at the note it reads to me, "To WHANE ever... I NIPPED out the pages..." but I edited it for my own inner grammar police's sake