To the patron who sneakily walked out with these issues of Rolling Stone and returned them months later in the book drop, you forgot to pick up your P.A.T.R.O.N. award!
Needless to say, I did not check the pages for damage or bodily fluids. I'm assuming you're either a teenage boy or a skeevy old guy. Whoever you are, you have forced my hand, the next issue of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition will be under armed guard.