Parenting at your local library.

I had a mom come up to me at the info desk asking if there's "someone in charge of the library."  Whenever patrons ask me that, I always try to think of what they want to complain about before they actually tell me and how far up the organization chart I have to refer them to.

She then went on to say that she wanted to complain about a librarian.  Did she want to complain about me in front of me!?  Maybe I said something wrong on the phone, I mean she literally (yes, I am using that word correctly) just walked into the library and headed straight to me.  I then thought about which of my info-coworkers and what they could have done to upset her.  The patron then pointed her head towards the circ desk towards the circ manager.  She then proceeded to air her grievance with me after I asked if she wanted to talk to the assistant branch manager.

"Everytime I come into the library with my daughters that librarian is always shushing them and telling them not to run.  My one daughter is 2 years old!  2 years old!!  What does she want me to do, make her wear a mask??  I want her to look forward to coming to the library and reading, how is that supposed to happen when she's constantly being told to be quiet and not to run??"

Really?  This is the first time I have noticed this mother and her 2 daughters in the library, and her daughter ran straight to the childrens section and was yelling until she hit the circ desk and the circ manager shushed her.  Not like the shushing did much, the little girl continued to run around and talk loudly.  I wanted to tell her that her daughter wouldn't be shushed and told not to run, IF SHE DIDN'T DO EITHER IN THE LIBRARY.  But I was not in the mood to be told that her daughter is just expressing herself and her feelings, and who are we to suppress them.

She definitely did not win me over and I just handed her the branch manager's business card.  I gave a head's up to the managers to expect an email from her.

Damn you Oreo Library Commercial!

✓ - visit from the fire department
✓ - patron fight/beef
✓ - calling the police from the info desk
✓- visit from the cops

So my favorite library commercial has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You can say it started last week when a brat pulled the fire alarm.  Yes, I am completely justified in using that word because if you are old enough to walk and talk, you should know not to pull fire alarms.  While we were waiting outside for the firetrucks, my coworker pointed out that it probably turned in to positive reinforcement for them: Pull a fire alarm, get to see a firetruck (or two in our case).  As one patron pointed out, "at least you can count this as your fire drill."

Then this week, a patron came up to the info desk where my supervisor and I were spending the last 30 minutes before close.  He told us that earlier a patron sitting next to him at one of the internet stations threatened him after he asked the guy to take his cell phone conversation else where.  It must not have been that threatening if he waited until he finished typing up his document and printing it to tell us to call the police.

My supervisor called the non-emergency line and passed the phone to the guy.  While he was talking to the dispatcher, the accused came up to the desk to tell us his side of the story, he pretty much said the other guy started cussing him out the instant he answered his phone.  I honestly do not remember hearing a loud phone conversation when I was on the desk and it was a typical slow and quiet night.  But whatever, the accused said that he would wait in the lobby for the police to come.

I was worried that we would have to stay after closing to deal with this patron beef but the police were pretty damn quick and they came in force.  It appears that it was also a slow night for them as well, since 4 decided to stop by the library.  The accuser told them that the guy flashed a knife at him, they searched the guy and looked for it in the lobby and bathroom but there was no knife to be found.  The next morning I also did a search of my own, there's only so many places you can hide a knife in our small library.  The police couldn't really do anything, so they just took everyone's contact information and told everyone to play nice and left.  As one of them walked by the information desk, he said, "Uh-oh drama in the [little rich town] library."  All I could reply with was, "I know right" and roll my eyes.  This was probably only the second time the police have been called to the library.  The only other time was during the last weekend for absentee voting, the lines were really long and voters' tempers were really short.

When all 4 officers were walking out, it was like the commercial was being reenacted in front of me, one of them brought up the commercial and he whispered to his colleagues:  "You guys have to stop fighting, we're the cops!"

Thank you for your donation of "Erotic Art of India"...

Well, that escalated pretty quickly --- they get busy on the cover, spoiler alert.

Some kind patron donated this book this week.  Unfortunately, I do not think we will be adding to our collection nor will we be placing it in our book sale.

The Public Library, the Public's Personal Whipping Boy

Yeah, I get it, the public pays our wages, unfortunately that gives the public a sense of overreaching entitlement when they come to the library.  After awhile your skin gets thicker and you don't take it personally.  I have also witnessed these type of interactions take place at the Post Office and I'm sure the DMV employees go through this as well.

They don't teach you this in library school.  My problem is, is that when I find myself being berated by a patron over something trivial and/or something completely out of my hands my natural reaction is to laugh, so I try not to make the situation worse and I try to suppress it but it just turns into a ish-eating grin.  I can't help but laugh at the fact that someone has gotten so angry at something I am not to blame for.

Most recently, it was a busy Saturday at the info desk and there was a steady line of patrons and I was efficiently helping each one.  A couple comes up inquiring about absentee voting, I give her a handout with the in-person option and her husband asks about the mail in.  I refer him to the lobby where our handouts reside, he thanks me and goes his way.  A minute or so later he comes back to the desk all red-faced and angry, he shakes a piece of paper and says, "This is an application for the absentee ballot NOT the ballot itself."  I was currently helping a little boy find some sports books and he continued to lecture me that I should learn the difference and explain it because "someone might take you at your word and think its the ballot."  Oh really?  First of all, congratulations on your reading comprehension, second, are you familiar with the electoral process?  The young boy I was helping looked like he was the one getting lectured, and I tried my best not to laugh.  Looking back, I should have told him that I was currently in the middle of helping a patron but he was more than welcome to wait to lecture me.  Damn you hindsight!  When I told my supervisor, his first reaction was, "Did he really think that absentee ballots are just laying around?" 

Speaking of absentee voting, I was at the desk with our new info desk volunteer when a lady came up to the desk and asked when absentee voting started.  Now we've been keeping a tally of voting questions we get at the desk, on average there's at least 40 questions a day probably more if we remembered to mark it down each and every time.  So it is knee-jerk reaction to say, "It starts at 2 pm."  She obviously didn't like this answer because she bristled and replied, "Your website says 8 am."  Yes, MY website.  I asked her if it was the library website that said that, because if it did I would have to get that fixed, she just said, "I don't remember, I had my husband check this morning."  She even said that there was a sign outside that mentioned 8am.  I told her that it was probably for a different location, so she goes back out to prove me wrong.  She comes back and makes no mention of said-sign.  There wasn't really anything else to say, so I just said, "Well, I'm not sure what site said that, but it starts at 2."  She of course tells me that she is a very busy person and that she couldn't come back in an hour.  Lady, I really don't know what you want me to do.  Before she stalks away, she tells me that she'll "print the website and prove me wrong."  The info volunteer had a look in her eye like, do I really want to do this?  I'm still waiting for her to come back with that print-out.


I had another patron who threw a full on grown-up hissy fit when our public printer wouldn't take more than $5.  When he tried to put in $1 over the limit, the machine just started spitting out coins.  He threw his other dollar on the table and complained, "What the hell!?  Why won't it just take the money and print my papers!??"  Our children's librarian was talking to me at the desk and she is completely allergic to any sort of confrontation so she just froze.  I ended up showing the patron the sign that showed the $5 at a time maximum and ended up doing it for him.

I had an elderly patron who walked straight up to the desk and said that she needed "help on the internet."  I have learned to decipher this phrase as meaning, "I am completely computer illiterate."  So I called for back up to cover the info desk for me and I walked her over to the public computers.  I usually have the patron sit down and I sit next to them, she told me that she doesn't know how to "do it," and told me to.  So I logged in for her and asked her what she needed to do.  "I need to get a travel visa to Brazil."....  okay, what have you done so far?  - Nothing.  Do you know what you need? - No.  So basically she as well as I learned all about the requirements to obtain a travel visa to Brazil.  Apparently, she's going on a group tour to South America and no one wanted to help her, and I figured out why.  She kept huffing and puffing after each and every question on the visa questionnaire.  "Why do I have to give them that?"  "Why do they need my parents' names?"  "I just want to travel there, why is this so difficult?"  Oh geez, no wonder your travel agent is suddenly, "unavailable" each time you called and the person at the Brazilian embassy kept telling you to do it online.  This person has gone through 70+ years of their life and still has not learned that you attract more flies with honey.  I seriously feel bad for her travel group, she's going to be the sour-puss that will try to ruin their vacation.

This was a long post, but then again this is my therapy.  Are the elections over with yet!??  If you're going to bitch and blame me for the rising gas prices, I can't promise I won't laugh in your face but I'll try.

My first comic, presenting 'The Library'

Since no one has read this blog in its entirety, its okay -- I couldn't finish 50 Shades of Grey, let me say that I go through these creative phases.  From using discarded library books as a medium to clay sculpting (as minor as it was), I get into these moods and I can't shake them until I actually go through the process.

Late one night a few weeks ago, I'm just about to go to sleep when I say, "Hey, I want to do a comic strip about the library."  Yeah, I know there's already one and it's pretty damn funny: Unshelved.  But who is to say that the current state of library-related comics is already saturated that and I'll do as I damn please thank you very much.   I mean, what's Coke without Pepsi, what's McDonald's without Burger King, what's OverDrive without... exactly!  Now may I present to you the first, of who knows how many, "The Library" comic strip.

Please excuse any grievous formatting issues, this is a first for me.

Yes, we did have someone call in to see if they could bring their cat with them to vote.  My supervisor didn't even hazard any form of response.  I guess he wasn't up for getting into an inane argument with a stranger so he just gave them the number to the elections board.  Mr. Huffle-Puff deserves to have his voice heard!  I mean, how else is our caller supposed to make the right decision on the ballot if their cat isn't there to lend a paw.

The Patrons Have Spoken...

Finally, after months of patrons complaints about the front row of LEV, Low Emissions Vehicle, parking spots, the library board announced that the County will be removing them and scattering them around the lot.

Any time a patron complains, I have several scripts to reply with in my head:
"Yes, it is cold in here."
"It should be easier to download e-books, blame the publishers."
"Would you like me to get the branch manager?"

Whenever an LEV parking complaint came across the desk, I let the patron know that while it may temporarily feel good to bitch/vent to me, but there is nothing I could do about it.  And that the next time they came to the library, they would get riled up to see the LEV reserved spots in the same exact spot again.  I gave them the Supervisor's contact information, since HE was the one who wanted them in a prominent position for a PR blurb.  But I guess that has run it's course, so now that he's gotten his local newspaper article cut out for his album, the spots are now being dispersed like they should have been in the first damn place.

Politics as u-su-al

My response to the patron who said The Hunger Games was "The Best Book They've Ever Read"...

Yesterday a patron returned a copy of The Hunger Games at the check out desk.  When my coworker was checking the book in the patron remarked how "it was the best book she ever read."  The instant I heard this my face looked exactly like Fry's. 

"Are you kidding me!?!?" 

I wouldn't have reacted that harshly if the patron was a tween or teen who has not read much, but this was a middle-aged patron.  Unless you're Suzanne Collin's agent, we need to have a one-on-one Reader's Advisory session.  There are tons of other books on the library's shelves that are better written and tell a better story. 

Yeah, yeah, "to each their own," but it utterly depresses me to think that sometime in the distant future, because of the power of hype and the hive-mind, Twilight and The Hunger Games could potentially be considered the "greatest works of fiction" or "classics" of our time.

Public Libraries Vs Nordstroms

I had a patron come up to the desk and ask where the fax machine was, I told her that the library doesn't provide fax services.  She turned her nose up and said, "Well, they used to."  No, they never have. 

It's not the first time the lack of fax services got patrons all pissy.  Back when I was working the circ desk a patron asked the same thing, I told her that we don't have any public faxes and told her there was a Kinko's down the road that did.  She looks past me into the backroom and points at the 1980's behemoth of a fax machine and asks me, "What's that?"  I love playing I-Spy!  I-Spy a patron who's going to start an argument over a fax.  I told her it was "the staff-only fax machine."  Then she looked at my government ID for my title, she then asks if my supervisor was available.  Of course he was, he's always hiding in his office so I was more than happy to get him.  He came out and it took a total of 5 minutes of repeating what I already told her before she left.

So back to the current patron, I told her that the closest fax service was 2 streets down, literally 5 minutes away.  She gets all huffy and says she would "never get caught walking in there."  She said that she would go to Nordstrom's instead, "they'll do whatever I tell them to."  That's fine, drive 15 minutes further and waste more time.  I'm fairly certain that when Nordstrom's or public libraries conduct SWOT analyses, neither pops up on each others' radar.  I heard their name brought up so many times in lectures when it came to exemplary customer service.  I'm pretty sure that this is the same patron who asked me to borrow a pair of scissors and never brought them back...

Politics as Usual...

Last Saturday, a group was registered to set up a table outside of the library to register voters.  The PIC (Person In Charge) was the children's manager.  I like her a lot, even though she tries to Jedi-mind-trick me into joining the "Dark Side of Youth Services;" she's very laid-back which is why I can relate to her so well.  It was a pretty crappy day so she let them come inside the lobby, mistake #1.

During their first hour inside the lobby, a patron on their way out stopped by the table and asked who they represent.  They only had a sign that read, "Register to Vote," that is all, no political aligned propaganda anywhere.  They weren't pushing any agenda, just asking folks if they were registered, and if not, would they like to take a moment to register.  Apparently, this one patron was very insistent and kept pestering them until they mentioned that they were from a certain organization formed/vouched for by Obama --- mistake #2.  If you want to keep your friends, you don't discuss religion or politics.  Well, this set the patron off and they went ballistic.  "I don't want you in my library, blah blah blah."  The PIC went out there and tried to diffuse it, but the patron was full on ape-ish.  The children's manager was completely frazzled by this altercation and when she came back to my desk to tell me what happened I could hear it in her voice.  This is the woman who called me out to the desk because she didn't know how to handle a homeless patron, I can't be mad at her, she's been completely coddled at this cushy branch.

The patron stated that she was "going to come back to the branch to make sure they were gone."  Okay, we aren't in the middle of nowhere, so that couldn't mean she would have come back with a bunch of her shotgun-wielding uncles and cousins --- it most likely meant her team of lawyers.  The voter registration group ended up calling it quits right after and the patron never came back. 

The whole mess just reinforces my feelings about hating politics in every single form.

TGIFriday the 13th...

All of the "stuperstitious" patrons tend to stay at home on this day, so it should be pretty drama free in every library today.

Library Fallacy #1: "There is no such thing as a stupid question at the Info Desk"

My friend got a call last week from a patron asking about her branch's storytime schedule.
The patron wanted to know if it was 10:30 AM or 10:30 PM...
Yes, the library has late night, after-hours storytimes. 

Patrons trying to be Artsy...

Some library got these awesome book sculptures. It inspires the wannabe creative side in me; I am definitely going to try to Dremel the crap out of some discarded books.


The only artsy thing a patron left my old branch was this:

"What is love?  Never shout Never"... 

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more --yea yea.... Oh man, I'm definitely adding this to my MP3 player.

Please Don't Touch Your Librarian...

Yesterday when I was personally kicking patrons out aka trying to close on time, a patron wrapped herself in her sweater and mentioned that it was, "absolutely freezing" in the library.  As she walked by, I agreed and told her I have learned my lesson and that I have back-up sweaters in my car. 

Apparently, she thought I was not fully comprehending the situation so she quickly reached out and touched me.  "MY BUBBLE!  YOU'RE VIOLATING MY BUBBLE! --- I NEED AN ADULT!!" 
::shudder:: 
I still get the chills when I think about her cold, thin fingers wrapped around my hand.  Lady, c'mon now, give me a head's up at least.  I vote that we follow Mensa's Guidelines for Physical contact... tl;dr Mensa people use color coded stickers to show their level of hate openness to random physical contact.  
They're a smart bunch right?  I really think they're onto something here, now I just need to find the biggest yellow stickers available.

The Money Bookmark...

Apparently kids these days are ballin' enough that they can use cash-money as bookmarks.

This is the second time I have found cash in the past two weeks.  The first one was $129 which still hasn't been claimed.  My supervisor says that he called the patron who checked out the book the wallet was found in, but they said that they didn't return anything...  I'm calling dibs on it if it isn't claimed in a month.

This time it was $80.  One of my coworker/friends was working the desk and tracked down the teenager who thought the money was stolen.  Have you ever folded 4 - $20 bills and placed them in the middle of a graphic novel, you can obviously feel it.  Kids these days...

The Rules of Circ #06 (The RoC)

"First Name Basis"

There is nothing worse than when a patron whom you don't know calls you by your first name because they read your required government ID badge.  Okay, so that was an exaggeration, there are plenty of worse things you can encounter in a public library, but nevertheless it still is awkward.

"Hey Bibliotecher, how are you?"  "Thanks for your help Bibliotecher!"

The first thing I think is, "Do I know you?"  It is a knee-jerk reaction but I tend to scrunch up my face for a second thinking, "How do they know my name??" and then I realize it's the ID.  

Granted there are several faces I recognize and some names I can recall but that's only because of two possible reasons: I nominated them for a P.A.T.R.O.N. award or they are regulars, or it could be a combination of both.  If everyone on Circ knows your name it usually is because you're a problem patron.

In other instances, certain patrons make a beeline straight to you at the desk because, "Hey, remember when you helped me that one time?"  No, no I don't remember you at all.  Over the years working the circ desk, I have helped hundreds, dare I say thousands, of people.  One day, I kept myself entertained by keeping track of how many patrons I help during that shift.  The four hours on the desk that day averaged about 27 patrons an hour.  So please don't take offense if we don't instantly become Facebook BFF's after I helped clear up your library fees.

The $129 Bookmark...

I finally found that $100 bookmark today, actually, it was exactly $129.  There wasn't any form of identification in the wallet, just the cash.  Luckily I was able to pull up the patron ID from the book the wallet was wedged in.  Pretty ironic that a patron used a wallet stuffed with $129 in cash as a bookmark for a book titled Money, Money Money.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Back to School...

I could never understand the pure joy that the dad actor portrays in this commercial until SRP came around.

Despite the recent budget cuts, our youth librarians were able to book talk this year.  I really believe that this resulted in the huge surge in library card registrations, patrons visits, and circ numbers this summer.  It has been a rough summer on the branch.  It was nice seeing the twice a year patrons visit as well, they come in during the beginning of summer, stock up on as many books on all of the library cards their household has, and you see them for the last time when they come back to return everything.

This week was not any better, work on the roof resulted in the whole branch smelling like aisle 9 of Home Depot and the nonstop hammering didn't make it any better.  Then the earthquake happened and it made for an interesting day.  I was in the backroom working with a volunteer, she looked at me and I told her it was an earthquake, she thought it was a roof collapse from the workers.  I headed out to the desk and a manager made an announcement that we were evacuating.  Several patrons recognized the severity of the situation, the building is far from quake-proof, and they quickly hustled out the door.  I walked to the back of the stacks and started herding the lazies.  Several people wanted to check their items out and some had to be forcibly removed from the public internet stations --- don't worry you can update your Twitfacespace later.

Now they are talking about a hurricane for the weekend, fun.  Honestly, I would take whatever Mother Nature has to offer just as long as SRP comes to an end sooner.

Library Banhammer

For the past few months our branch has been frequented by a mid-20's homeless guy.  He's been dubbed "the young porn dude," as to not confuse him with the "old porn dude."  This new guy likes to bring in a pint of ice cream for his porn perusing.  We've had several patrons complain about his hygiene or lack thereof, but that there isn't much we can do about that minus a few discrete drive-by's with the Febreeze bottle.

He has recently been using other patrons' library cards to use the public internet stations past the allotted time.  He probably thinks of himself as a hacker, when in reality it doesn't take much to "hack" when you can enter in random library card numbers that still use the default password of '1111.'  I am not sure why he hasn't been talked to about this already.

I did a quick search and brought up several charges which includes unlawful entry, destruction of private property, and two counts of assault on a police officer.  He confronted by Info BFF after showering in the men's restroom.  He walked out dripping wet and when he saw her giving him the evil eye from the info desk he walked up to her and started talking trash.  Unfortunately, I was not working (damn Cataloging and Classification class!) but another info worker stepped in.

Last week we found out he was arrested for public urination outside of a different library.  On a side note, my coworker-friend came across a "pee spreadsheet" that denotes the time and location of said urination zones on library grounds.  He was promptly banned from that library, unfortunately it wasn't a system-wide ban... yet.

The Rules of Circulation #07 (The RoC)

 "Never Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth, unless its Dead and Decaying"....

A patron came up and handed me a book saying that a while back he couldn't find this book.  He ended up paying for it but he just found it and wanted to give it back.  I told him that we wouldn't be able to give him a refund and he smirked and said that it was okay and that he wanted the library to add it back to its shelves.

I didn't fully comprehend the reason of his smugness until I took a better look at the book in the backroom and noticed the Hazmat like condition it was in.  Seriously, you could play connect the dots with all of the individual colonies.  All of the pages were warped with water damage and as you can see from the above picture, it turned into a petri dish.  I quickly bagged it and took it to the dumpster.

Did this patron return this book knowing it was rife with hazardous spores ---- probably.  Have patrons "donated" similar materials thinking the library/Friends would find good use for it, yes.  Some have good (but clearly void of any common sense) intentions while others rest on the nefarious end of the spectrum.

I cannot stress how much the library DOESN'T NEED your lifelong collection of 'National Geographic' or 'TV Guide.'  But it has such treasures, such as the first cover of "Alf" you say, thanks but no thanks.  Save that stuff for neighborhood yard sales.  The library's bookdrop is not your personal dumpster.  If I ever find anyone using it as such, I will send Detective Bookman after you and you will pay the consequences, which will involve volunteering your time to rat on any patrons who find any loopholes with the internet filters.

Trolling National Library Week.

Yay Library Week!(I guess?)...  The only thing to look forward to is the poster board asking patrons to let us know what the library means to them.

Browsing the board I saw the epitome of comment trolling: "Obnoxious, Entitled Snobs."  I am sure that there are some library branches out there that some people do not get along with, it's bound to happen.  Even within the system I work for, patrons have their favorite and least favorite branches, whether it's the collection, building, or staff.  I know that some people can misinterpret my online-persona and think that I must be a total douche to patrons, but this couldn't be further from the truth.  This is my outlet to relieve the stress from working customer service with the general public.  If you haven't worked with the public, you'll have a hard time relating.  I believe that everyone should work retail at least once in their life for the experience, working for the public is much the same.

People that work in public libraries do not do it for the prestige, title, and pay (or lack thereof).  I'm fairly certain that the troll who wrote that comment was upset because they didn't get what they wanted, which was probably something against the rules of library-land (the public library is not your own personal free use supply closet, there is a limit on the public internet PC's because there are other people who need it as well, anything returned that you damaged will be billed to you even though you may think you paid for it already with your taxes...etc, the list goes on and on).


The balance was restored by the time I went back to take a picture of it another patron wrote their own post right next to troll.